


of coffins and chapstick

by khattikeri



Category: Zero Escape (Video Games)
Genre: "what if i kissed u in the coffin... haha... unless?" au, Alternate Universe, F/M, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Mutual Pining, Spoilers, rated T for aoi's potty mouth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:33:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25535914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/khattikeri/pseuds/khattikeri
Summary: “Uh, Santa,” Junpei asked, perplexed. “Whatcha got there?”“Chapstick,” Santa clicked his tongue, pressing his lips together to evenly smooth it out and snapping the cap back on. “Got a problem with it?”
Relationships: Kurashiki Akane/Tenmyouji Junpei, Light Field/Kurashiki Aoi
Comments: 20
Kudos: 63





	of coffins and chapstick

**Author's Note:**

> A universe where VLR and ZTD BOTH don't happen because there is no cult after Ace is taken care of and there will be no terrorists, viruses, or other strange serial killer-and-or-snail-induced happenings in the future. Akane and Aoi's jobs are 100% done once Ace is handled, and they only run off to temporarily avoid the law while the incident is still fresh. 
> 
> Or something like that. 
> 
> Fun fact, this fic is 9 pages in my docs. Funky coincidence!

It had started, Junpei realized, around the time they all got locked in the freezer.

Junpei was alright with cold, generally speaking, but even with his windbreaker on, it was getting hard not to tremble. Akane also looked fine; she had long sleeves and handwarmers and a nice scarf-looking thing with her dress.

Santa, on the other hand, looked halfway to death. He was shivering, teeth clattering almost cartoonishly, and although Junpei felt bad for him, part of him couldn’t help but feel that it was deserved when Santa had a fashion sense like _that._

Really, who let this guy dress himself? Not that Junpei could judge, but hey-- not his fault he got kidnapped before he could change clothes.

“Fuck you, at least I don’t look like I walked right out of _Back to the Future,”_ Santa clenched his teeth. “Kids these days dress up in the stupidest shit…”

 _Whoops, I said that out loud._ Junpei’s embarrassment was short-lived, however. “I’m _twenty-one,”_ he furrowed his brows. “And it says more about you if you’re dressed like some jobless mid-2000s anime twink.”

Santa actually laughed at that. “Fuck off, I was born in 2003,” he snorted. “And I’m not _jobless,_ I’m a stockbroker.”

 _Twenty-four,_ Junpei did the math. _About the same as Snake._

“Stockbroking,” Junpei said, disbelieving. “I don’t even believe you.” 

“Jumpy, Santa, come on,” Akane insisted, and their conversation ended there in favor of searching the freezer.

 _At least his legs must be warm,_ Junpei mused as he perused the shelves. Those cargo pants and boots were probably a lot more comfortable than Junpei’s own flooded shoes and socks. With any luck, Junpei’d barely scrape by without frostbite.

Santa shivered pathetically a little bit more before moving his trembling hands down to one of his many pockets and pulling out a small tube.

“Hm?” Akane blinked.

Santa uncapped the tube and started applying it to his lips.

“Uh, Santa,” Junpei asked, perplexed. “Whatcha got there?”

“Chapstick,” Santa clicked his tongue, pressing his lips together to evenly smooth it out and snapping the cap back on. “Got a problem with it?”

 _What the hell…_ “...Why?” Junpei asked, slowly and emphatically.

“Hah? If I’m gonna freeze my ass off, I don’t want my lips splitting and bleeding when it happens,” Santa retorted. 

Junpei had to physically fight the urge to roll his eyes. _What a diva. First he avoids going through a bloody door because his shoes are new, then this._

“Oh, what flavor?” Akane asked, as if that was even remotely relevant.

“Vanilla,” Santa replied blithely. “I only use fruity shit on my hair.”

(Junpei couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes that time.)

Santa noticed. “What? Skincare and hair care too gay for you, _Jumpy?”_

“Wha-- no!” Junpei insisted, indignant. “...I’m bi,” he admitted.

A pause. Then, Santa folded his arms in front of him. “Huh, same.”

“So am I,” Akane piped up with a smile.

The truth of this Nonary game struck Junpei then. “So Zero kidnapped only bisexuals?”

“No,” Santa and Akane both answered at the same time; Santa giving him a _what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-you_ look and Akane looking tired and disappointed.

“That’s probably not the case,” Akane clarified. She grimaced. “That aside, Santa, you look… really cold. Are you sure you’ll be alright with just chapstick?” She shook. “Iths sho cold ma own thonguesh going numb…”

 _I know a way I could make it warm again,_ Junpei thought idly, and then went red in the face. “L-Let’s focus on finding a way out fast, then,” he stuttered, turning around to investigate some more.

“I’ll be totally fine,” Santa scoffed, rubbing his shoulders for heat. “Go along.”

At that, Junpei began to feel something resembling actual pity, so he took his jacket off. “Here, take this.”

Santa looked offended. “The hell’s wrong with you?! Give it to _her!”_ he gestured at Akane.

Junpei was completely and utterly confused. “Why are you so angry?! You’re the one shivering!”

And that was _before_ Akane started blabbering about Ice-9 and the sublimation point of carbon dioxide and the crystallization of glycerin in England in 1920 and _whatever the hell else,_ so it was only natural that Junpei would forget about the chapstick entirely.

=

The chapstick made a reappearance after they left the freezer.

Junpei had decided that Santa was a cool dude after all. They bounced off each other well enough, if the puns about pot and pans had anything to say about it.

The two of them snickered like idiots, unable to stop giggling. It was only when Lotus sharply yelled at them to _‘stop messing around like teenage boys and get back to work!’_ that they were quiet again.

“Man, I haven’t laughed like that in forever,” Santa quirked up the end of his mouth. Junpei blinked.

“Really?”

“Mm,” Santa hummed. “There’s a guy who used to be able to make me relax like that, but he hasn’t seen me in years.”

=

 _Because he’s blind,_ Aoi omitted. _So he’s never actually seen me to begin with._

Technically the truth.

=

“...Do you miss him?” Junpei asked.

“...I guess,” Santa shrugged, noncommittal. “We had… something like a falling out, because of me. He’s the one who gave me the four-leaf clover I gave you earlier.”

Junpei may not have been the fastest person in the room at all times, but he wasn’t dumb by any means. “...He gave you a gift like that, and you pressed it into a bookmark and kept it with you for years afterwards even though you claim to hate four leaf clover stuff now?”

Santa’s face betrayed nothing, but his ears were slightly more pink. 

“You still like him,” Junpei realized aloud. He grinned. “Aww, that’s so cute--”

“Shut up,” Santa shoved at him half-heartedly. He sighed, taking out the chapstick and fiddling with it again. “It’s probably one-sided by now.”

“Once we get out of here, you should try to reconnect with him,” Junpei offered his sincerest advice, finishing up on another clue. “Maybe you two can hang out again.”

Santa paused. “Yeah,” he whispered. “Yeah. Maybe.”

=

Several hours later, Junpei remembered the chapstick again.

It was around the time when Clover had tackled Snake damn near to the floor, wailing tears of joy as she buried her head in his chest. 

“Gently, now!” Snake smiled. “You’re acting as though I’ve returned from the grave.”

“Because you _did,_ you stupid idiot!” Clover wailed again. She hiccuped, then sobbed. “Light… I thought you were dead…”

“I’m sorry for leaving you alone,” Snake murmured, brushing aside her locks of hair and placing a kiss on her forehead before holding her close. 

The moment was heartwarming.

“Light?” Seven asked, shocked. The moment broke.

“...Yes, that’s my name,” Snake said slowly, facing towards where Seven’s voice had come from. “Light Field. My little sister,” he gestured towards Clover, “is Clover Field.”

“Light,” Seven repeated. He dragged his hand down his face. “Your name is Light. Shit, you’re…”

“Seven?” Snake prompted.

“Do you remember the detective from nine years ago, Light?” Seven asked. “That was me.”

Snake raised a brow. “Really? You’re--” 

“Light,” Clover interrupted, furrowing her brows. “Why does your right cheek smell like vanilla?”

Snake paused. “Does it?” He placed his hand over where Clover had indicated. “Strange, it’s… faintly sticky…”

Junpei froze.

“Whatever, forget that--” Seven looked determined. “Who did this to you? We found an exploded corpse wearing your clothes behind the 3 door, that’s why we thought you were dead.”

“I was knocked unconscious after we split up outside the hospital room,” Snake recounted. “Whoever did it must have undressed me and... changed my clothes into this…” He felt at the fabric a bit. “...robe-like attire during that time.”

“He saved your life, basically,” Junpei said, numb. “Because he knew Ace would try to kill you, and he wanted you to live.”

“He?” Lotus repeated, interrupting. “Junpei, what do you know?”

But Junpei was only half paying attention, mind going through all the interactions he’d had with Santa until this point. In particular, Clover’s reaction upon being given the bookmark made a lot more sense now...

_‘He hasn’t seen me in years.’_

Junpei grit his teeth, amused and irritated all at once. _Why, that freaking…_

“It’s Aoi, isn’t it?” Clover tugged on Snake’s sleeve. “Junpei gave me back a four leaf clover and said Santa gave it to him, but the only way Santa can have it is if--”

 _“Aoi’s_ here?” Snake’s eyebrows rose nearly to his hairline. He faltered, bringing a hand back to his vanilla chapstick-stained cheek before lowering it. “That’s… I didn’t even recognize his voice--”

“He’s probably Zero, then,” Lotus reasoned, and they all began to discuss the numbers and logic of exactly how that was possible.

The entire time, Snake looked flummoxed, like he was still processing that Santa-- Aoi-- had changed his clothes, locked him in a coffin, and kissed him on the cheek.

Junpei had never once seen Snake flustered, and yet, here he was, witnessing exactly that.

Goddamn.

=

 _All’s well that ends well,_ Akane thought with a smile. _Thank you, Junpei._

Aoi tossed Akane the car keys to their jeep. “They have like, ten minutes before they get out,” he panted, yanking out his hairband and messing up his hair back to normal. “Hongou’s knocked out in the trunk and the keys are in the ignition.”

“Perfect,” Akane quipped, and got in the driver’s seat. “You can change your shirt while I’m driving.”

“Wear your seatbelt before you speed,” Aoi warned as he got in the passenger seat, now taking off the black bandages wound around his neck. “We just got you back.”

“I know,” Akane giggled. 

“Junpei’s probably gonna be pissed,” Aoi lectured, and Akane couldn’t help but smile at how he was letting out all the Big Brother Ranting he’d held back while in Building Q. “He’s not the type of guy who likes being used.”

“I know,” Akane pressed her lips into a line. _You’re one to talk. Light will probably be upset, too._ “But we’ll only be on the run for a little while. Just long enough that they don’t get us hunted by the FBI or something.”

Aoi grunted. “Eight and a half minutes.” 

Akane fastened her seatbelt and set both hands on the steering wheel. “Ready to go.” 

They sped off into the Nevada desert sun. 

“I still would’ve liked to kill that guy,” Aoi mused somewhat bitterly, fiddling with the radio station now that he was done fixing his hair back flat and changing his shirt. “But as long as he’s punished, it’s alright. At least the cult shit’s done and over with since he was the last one.”

Akane hummed. It was relieving for everything to be over and equally exciting knowing that Junpei was persistent enough that he probably wouldn’t let her off so easily for running away right after she got her task done.

That being said…

“You kissed Light on the cheek before closing the coffin, didn’t you,” Akane accused. Aoi choked on air.

“Wh-- I-- _Because that’s what you saw through Junpei’s eyes,”_ he hissed, face red. “I don’t even _like_ vanilla chapstick, I just bought it because I had to--”

“I saw it through Jumpy’s eyes because _you_ kissed him in the future though,” Akane teased, pushing the gas pedal.

“And _I_ did in in the future because _you_ saw it--” Aoi sighed, twisting his mouth and looking out the window. “Forget it, I know when I’m being baited. Step on it, I don’t want ‘em catching up to us.”

Akane giggled. “I’m just teasing, Aoi! Even if we did it to go along with what I saw, it’s not like you were completely against it.”

=

She was right, of course. Aoi _had_ wanted to do it. Part of him had wanted to do it on the lips too, but that would be crossing a different territory he wasn’t quite ready for.

“Junpei wanted to suck your face in that freezer,” Aoi changed the subject.

“Oh, I know,” Akane’s face was blank. “He was cute when he got all red. And you were sweet, too, trying to get him to give _me_ his jacket, but you should’ve thought that through better.”

_“We only did any of that because you saw it through his eyes--!”_

Akane laughed, beautiful and bright as she steered their car like a madwoman, and Aoi shook his head with a smile.

He brought her in for a side hug, squeezing her shoulder as he whispered: “I’m glad you’re safe, Akane.”

Akane beamed back. “I love you, too.”

=

“I’m going to kill him,” Light promised cheerfully. “I’m going to kill Aoi Kurashiki.”

“That’s a funny way of saying ‘make out with’,” Junpei snorted.

“Funny, don’t you feel the same about Akane?” Light replied liltingly. Junpei was pointedly quiet after that. 

They didn’t need to say much else about it. The Kurashiki siblings had came into their hearts and lives again like whirlwinds, then left almost immediately afterwards. Light and Junpei were on the same page about not minding what had happened at Building Q. An explanation would’ve been nice, certainly, but it was for the sake of good. What wasn’t okay was Aoi and Akane running away after using them to the end.

Clover would presumably be okay so long as Light was fine; it was the same on his end. Seven was the understanding sort; Lotus may hold a grudge.

By all accounts, things would eventually be fine, but part of Light was still as determined as he was displeased by this turn of events.

“I’m going to lock him up or something,” Light muttered. Junpei shifted beside him; Light could feel tension.

“That’s a crime, Light,” Seven sighed. 

“It was hyperbole,” Light claimed. 

“Was it?” Clover seemed skeptical. 

“I intend to chase him until I catch him,” Light admitted. “After we get out of the desert, I mean.”

“We should probably lock this guy up instead,” Junpei’s voice carried disgust as he shifted again, and Light could hear the distinct noise of clothes ruffling as Junpei presumably lifted Ace up by his jacket. 

“Oh, that’s manageable,” Seven huffed. “Don’t even sweat it. I’ll handle that.”

A thunk; Junpei probably dropped Ace back down in the trunk.

More comfortable silence.

“Did you know,” Ace then began, licking his lips with a smacking noise, “that even with seatbelts, people die all the time in car crashes?”

Clover intentionally rammed the jeep over a smattering of small, bumpy boulders. Everyone jostled.

“Thought that was interesting,” Ace slurred, slamming against all the sides of the trunk. Light briefly enjoyed the mental image of Ace as a pinball in a jacked up pinball machine before being snapped out of it by the sound of Ace groaning in pain.

“What was he gagged with?” Light asked, furrowing his brows.

“Duct tape,” Junpei sighed.

“Should’ve been rat poison,” Lotus sneered from the front seat.

“Anyway!” Clover said cheerfully. “Light. If you’re gonna chase Aoi, I can help.”

“Thank you,” Light smiled. “I’d appreciate it.”

“I’ll come with you guys,” Junpei coughed. 

“Chasing after Akane too, huh, _Jumpy?”_ Clover teased.

“Yeah,” Junpei replied, with zero hesitation. “I am, no matter how long it takes.” 

Absentmindedly, Light pressed the spot on his cheek. The vanilla scent lingered on his fingertips, and he gave a small smile, determination renewed.

_No matter how long it takes, Aoi, I’ll find you again._

=

**Author's Note:**

> I may or may not make this AU a series? I've got a few ideas. There'll be little to no angst because I'm a sucker and want them all to live happily post-999.
> 
> Kudos and comments are appreciated! My twitter and tumblr are both also @khattikeri, check 'em out if you'd like to see more ZE content!


End file.
